My niece is getting married Saturday. I can’t tell you how wonderful it is to see this special, godly young lady marry a wonderful Christian young man. Everything is going according to plan, and it’s going to be a lovely wedding.
But let me tell you, there is nothing that strikes fear into the heart of this mom more than knowing, in less than one week,
All seven of us will have to look good – all at the same time!
Four girls, one boy, and me (Hubby gets off easy wearing a suit and maybe a new tie). My heart is palpitating as I type this.
We so rarely dress up anymore – even church is fairly casual – a skirt here, a cotton shirt there, some beady flip-flops, and I’m good. I can’t even remember the last time I wore hose. My daily wardrobe is a pair of Reeboks, shorts and a t-shirt. If I have to “dress up” I wear a pair of capris.
Main reason: I am just not a shopper.
Here’s my idea of shopping: Go to Sam’s Club for the usual $200 worth of stock items. Wind through the stacks of clothes on the way back to the register. Hurry, because the meat is starting to drip and the kids are losing patience. Grab a couple of shirts. Small? Medium? Hold it up. Whatever, it looks okay. Throw it in the cart (away from the meat). Start mentally calculating the total cost of this excursion. Yikes. Put one shirt back. Buy the other one. If it doesn’t quite fit, oh well, I can still wear it around the house.
Makes me just want to break into a song (from Hee-Haw, all you older folks can appreciate the tune):
Gloom, despair, and agony on me!
I ain’t got no dress for the wed’ festivity
If it weren’t for Sam’s Club I’d have no clothes at all
Gloom, despair, and agony on me!
Even my last pair of Reeboks (a brand that fits my wide feet), I grabbed off the rack. Size 7? Good. Done.
If I could buy a nice dress online (or better yet, hire a personal shopper), I most certainly would. I hate the lights, the mirrors, I hate having to try things on, and I hate the snobby atmosphere of stores that try to sell me things I just don’t need.
Compounding the problem: I am cheap. In general, I avoid any place that makes me part with my money (my husband even does most of our grocery shopping). When it comes to nice clothes, I expect not only to find high quality and great fit, I expect you to mark it down to rock bottom before I will pay for it.
Which explains why I have so few nice clothes.
The last time I bought a decent dress was two years ago – I remember coming home completely exhausted. I suppose I could wear that dress, but I was nursing a baby then, and well, things just ain’t what they used to be in certain areas anymore. Naw, I’d probably better avoid the deflated look if at all possible.
And the last time I took my oldest daughter shopping, which happened to be for swimwear (I’d rather have my eyelashes pulled out, one by one), we were both in tears by the end. How many ways can a person say, “NO?”
I am so not looking forward to this.
You’d think, with four girls, I’d at least have some hand-me-downs. Well, unfortunately, with ten years from the oldest to the youngest, they are quite worn, to say the least. And after years of baking on that ham-and-mashed-potato stain from Easter 2000 in our 140 degree attic, it’s a lost cause. I looked through our selection, and the ones that do look okay are the wrong size for the younger three. Isn’t that pathetic? Makes me not want to save hand-me-downs.
I’ve perused the local markdown stores – no luck.
On the bright side, my house is starting to look like itself again after our trip (normal clutter instead of trip clutter), and I have absolutely nothing on the calendar, except for seriously disinfecting the kids’ bathroom before my parents arrive on Tuesday.
That leaves most of the week for my unpleasant but necessary mission.
I’m doomed to face my nemesis: the mall.
Yesterday, I actually found some dresses for the three younger ones on clearance at Dillard’s. I'm not even going to let myself worry about accessories and how many times I'm going to have to redo their hair before we finally arrive at the wedding. That makes me break out in a cold sweat.
Three down, three to go (and maybe a tie, if I’m feeling lucky).
Of course, I saved the hardest for last – my tweens and me.
If you need to get in touch with me this week, just page me at the mall.
I may be there a while.