Saturday, September 02, 2006

Super-Katherine to the Rescue!

Some of you might know that Katherine is away for the weekend and I'm holding down the fort (yeah, right).

She doesn't know that I've assumed "guest blogger" status, so I'm being a bit presumptuous here. But it just feels good to write this stuff down. That, and I'm hoping it helps me maintain a modicum of sanity.

How long 'til Kath comes home?


Katherine left for her cousin’s wedding on Thursday afternoon and won’t be back until Sunday afternoon. I’m embarrassed to say that we celebrated our 21st Wedding Anniversary this summer, yet I’ve never been “Man o’ the House” for quite this long. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not completely out of my element when it comes to herding cats, I mean, five children. But it’s a little different when Katherine’s not within shouting distance (well, you know what I mean).

Much to Kath's pleasure ('jus kidding), in the last 2.5 days I have:

Seen spilled milk span the entire surface of the kitchen floor (twice). Of course, this only happens when I’m on the phone with Verizon’s Tech Support who is attempting to fix our wireless router.
Watched a poopie, the size of a regulation baseball, roll out of a diaper and on to the bathroom floor. Katherine, where do we keep the HAZMAT uniforms?
Witnessed Nesquick miss the cup and fly across the entire kitchen table (where it mingled in with the milk that was already on the table).
Watched a five year old change clothes 1,243 times.
Observed a 2 year old change out of a Snow White costume and into a Ballerina Tutu in less than 30 seconds.
Here are a few questions I’ve pondered since Katherine’s departure:
Do all 2 year olds have this many dirty diapers?
Am I the only Dad that uses an entire box of wipes when changing a solitary dirty diaper?
Do all families have this many dirty dishes in one day?
Are Cinnamon Rolls (and every other form of junk food) standard fare in the kitchen when Mom is out of town?
Does everybody empty their trash twice each day? Or, at least observe that it needs to be emptied?
Am I seeing things, or did a tornado really hit our living room yesterday?
Do all 2 year olds say, “Watch this, Daddy?” 364 times in one day?
Am I the only Father that forgot to feed his children lunch yesterday?
In spite of the craziness, I did manage to get three children safely to school on Friday; the whole family to our teen’s Volleyball game (and home again without forgetting any of the children); and even coached number three’s Softball practice this morning. Why do I feel such a sense of accomplishment when all of this is just another day in the life of SK (Super-Katherine)?!

I tip my dirty baseball cap (and my heart) to you, SK. Thanks for the healthy dose of reality I’ve experienced these last two weeks (I mean 2.5 days). You are simply amazing, and I am the most exhausted luckiest man in the world.

By the way, have I told you lately that you are the Mother of the five most beautiful children to ever walk this planet? :)

Wait a sec, is that your chainsaw that I hear? Come home soon!

Your adoring husband,



Dirty diapers are a cake-walk compared to the "floater" in the bathtub. I am now a full-fledged member of the "Dads-Who-Have-Cleaned-Poopies-Out-of-the-Bathtub" Club.


Kris said...

Ah Dennis, the things that Joe has to look forward to! What an example you are for all men.

Katherine@Raising Five said...

Joe, buddy, we've got to have a long talk! :)


Code Yellow Mom said...

Hilarious! The changing clothes 364 times is classic...

I like to give my husband days like this every now and then and when he tells me all about it, I ask, "But doesn't it make you feel fulfilled?"

Sorry about the floater - amazingly enough with two boys we haven't encountered that yet...knock on wood.

I'm looking forward to seeing what Elastigirl / Katherine has to say about your guest post - and the house - when she gets home. Nice to "meet" you, by the way. :)

Heather said...

My hubby keeps house (and 3 kids) every Saturday while I am at work. It sounds like yo handled it pretty well. Usually when I get home our pace looks like several tornadoes hit though at least he doesn't have to deal with diapers anymore.

Annie said...

Okay we only have one child and I'm not sure I would trust my hubby home...actually I should give him the chance. The floater is too funny...we've had that a couple of times...hubby ran away!!

I think you're both pretty lucky to have each other!!

Susanne said...

LOL! You need to assume "guest blogger" every so often "Man o' the House"! I needed a good chuckle! What a culture shock you must be feeling to be in a mommy role 24 - 7 for, how long now?, 2.5 days. Keep on, good husband of Katherine's! It's only 1.5 days left! Good on ya for giving her the time away!

Anonymous said...

I laughed so hard I cried!!! You are hilarious!
I am going on retreat in 2 weeks for 4 days and I have to share this with my husband. He'll get a kick out of it! Somebody else sharing his pain and all!

You only have about 24 hours left - hang in there, super-dad!

Laura said...

Thanks for the laugh! Loved your post, Dennis! Katherine is one lucky lady and as long as the kids are all living when she returns well thats all that matters really. Katherine will be a much happier mommy as well after having had a bit of a break....all us moms need that once and awhile.

lrlwreath said...

Read this one to hubby and we both had a good laugh. Hope "K" is home soon for the both of you. Blessings.

Angela said...

This is priceless.

Theresa said...

Super Mom? Sounds like "Super Dad" today (and yesterday). Way to go Dennis! You are making the rest of the husbands look bad and rest of us women wish we had a "Dennis". And, 'SK'? How sweet are you!

BTW - I'm glad to see all men use a box of wipes for ONE diaper change.

Oh and glad you hijacked the blog - now you're really in "mommy" mode. LOL! SK should be very proud. :)

Kristine said...

I love this post! Thanks for coming on to guest blog. It is nice to hear how much you value your wife. It's also nice to hear that what many of us do every day really is "work". In my opinion, it's the hardest work in the world, with the most important end result at stake. Thanks again for your perspective. I'll be letting my DH read this!

Unknown said...

Very funny. All of us moms of the house are glad to know that it's not as easy at it looks. As far as the dirty diapers go, maybe it has something to do with the irregular diet? And as far as the wipes go, at least in this house, my husband uses a lot. . . . And my two year old's latest is "'myere Mommy" heard many many times a day when he wants me to come here, so he can show me something. She's happy you're around. Thanks for giving Katherine some "time off," and for filling us all in here.

MicheleinNZ said...

And yes, I think all dads use a box of wipes to change just one diaper. I still don't understand how it's possible, but my husband does it too.

Wendy said...

What a man! Wow, you really got to experience a lot (except lipstick on carpet-see my blog). In 6 years I have never had a floater in the tub, but I can definitely relate to everything else.
I'm sure saying you will be glad to see Katherine is an understatement.

Stephanie said...

Oh, my goodness, I haven't laughed so hard in a long time. :) Great job covering the bases for the weekend and living to tell the tales. :)

voni said...

Great Job!!! You changed diapers too?!!! Your blog totally made me laugh:) Seems like you got the very best of everyday life.

nutmeg said...

Just dropping in to say hi as I get to know more people for this upcoming October weekend!

*Laughing out loud* about the poo in the bathtub! My DH can't stomach that sort of thing and if I'm away and he needs to give DD #3 (age 2....almost) a bath, he gets her in and out quickly!