Friday, September 07, 2007

And speaking of anticipating needs...

In today's Family Room e-zine, there was this article entitled, What Every Husband Needs to Know, by Robert Lewis, whom I quoted on Tuesday.

He is talking to men about their wives:
As one psychologist explained, "A man can have the best of intentions to meet his wife's needs, but if he thinks her needs are similar to his own, he will fail miserably." Some of us men really do fail miserably. We're shooting in the dark when it comes to understanding our wives. And it hurts. No wonder so many marriages have fallen on hard times. As a pastor I often hear men boil over and say something like, "I don't know what she wants from me! I can't please her! I knock myself out twelve hours a day to give her everything anyone could ever want, and she still isn't satisfied! What's the deal?"

You can meet your wife's wants yet still miss her needs. That's what the deal is. Your wife doesn't need you to work twelve hours a day. More likely, it's you who "needs" to work that much. You're out there trying to find your identity and establish your worth and value. You're out there for you more than for her. What she needs is for you "to live with her in an understanding way ... since she is a woman"! A little feminine understanding can go a long way in meeting your wife's real needs.
I think the same could be said to women about their husbands, or to mothers about their children. We spend so much time doing things that we think will meet our family's needs, but maybe - if we are honest - we are really meeting our own.

As I'm enjoying my couple of "bell ringers" this weekend, I'm asking God to help me arrange my life in such a way that I focus on the important things - the things that have lasting value. Remember: Die to Live.

Won't you do the same?

Oh, and by the way, I can't say enough wonderful things about Robert Lewis's organization, Men's Fraternity. It is a one-year-long series of studies that "provides men with an encouraging process that teaches them how to live lives of authentic manhood as modeled by Jesus Christ and directed by the Word of God." It has been probably the single best thing my husband Dennis has ever participated in. There are groups all over the country, or you can do like Dennis did at our church: start your own!


Jen T. said...

My husband help coordinate Mens Frat at our church and it is worth the 5:30 wake up on his day off!!

Margo said...

Thanks for a wonderful post. And you're right, a lot of times we think we're meeting the needs of our loved ones when really we're meeting our own! What an eye opener! very insightful and something we all need to be aware of.

Keri said...

Guilty-as-charged in the "meeting my needs, not theirs" category. Just yesterday, I came to the startling and upsetting realization that the reason I'm often frustrated with my children is because they're not making motherhood FUN for me at any given moment. And that lots of the things I do "for them" are actually fulfilling my own needs. So convicting!

(By the way, this is only one of MANY times you've written about exactly what's on my heart. Do you have some kind of wire tap on my brain??? :) )

Jill said...

'Ouch' on meeting our own needs under the mask of meeting our family's need, and I mean that in a good 'ouch'. My man also does the frat in the early morning hours. He is much more intune with being a husband and daddy since he joined the frat. ;o)

Beck said...

I just read that aloud to my husband, heh.

Susanne said...

Ya, I was going to read that aloud to my hubby too, until I continued on with what you wrote. "Ouch", Katherine.

Anonymous said...

That excerpt makes me think of the books "For Women Only" and "For Men Only" by Shaunti Feldhahn. They were wonderful. "For Women Only" really opened my eyes to how God made men and how they view us. When I knew what he dealt with everyday it made it easier to meets his needs and vice versa.
Great post!

Gwen Sirmans (Ivey's Mom) said...

This is a terrific post. I am going to link it.

Jen said...

What an awesome post...thanks.

Mommy-fied said...

Yeah, more often than not I've caught myself fearing that "MY" needs will not be met.

I find it easier to put them aside to meet my kids' needs but expect hubby to make up for what I've "given up". (Do any of you know what I mean?)

It's very hard for me to let that go, put hubby's needs first and trust God to meet mine. It's something I'm working on right now (and it's tough for me).