Another travel week for Dennis. I know this sounds whiny when I think of single moms and those of you whose husbands are deployed for months at a time, but man, I am TIRED.
It's more than just physical exhaustion, although there is that. I realize how much I count on my husband's physical help getting everyone where they need to go, helping corral little ones for bed, and, hey, just bringing in the mail! He does so much, and I appreciate him so much when he's not here!
Monday (after dealing with the Tide emergency and not being able to do anything with the ever-growing mountain of laundry) I spent the evening running across town to Neal's (12) football game and back across town to Allie's (14) volleyball game. Ruthie (3) fell asleep in the car, so hey, at least she had a nap. Annie(6) and Libby (9) both have friends (siblings of the players) at the games, so they always enjoy going.
We had a great time watching our teams play, but then, the slap of reality: It was 7:45 and everyone was STARVING. We had Ragu and cheese over angel hair pasta at 8:00 p.m. The little girls were in bed after 9:00; it was after 10:00 by the time Allie finished homework, and well past 11:00 by the time I did my prep for Bible study the next morning.
Yesterday (after Bible study, which took up all morning) I agreed to let Neal (12) do the "chains" (marking the downs) for the eighth grade football game. It sounded reasonable when he called me from school at 3:00 p.m. (it always does). Then Allie got home and wanted to go because the band was playing and all the eighth graders would be there (aren't they always?). I had to go pick up Neal anyway, so I agreed to go.
It wasn't until later that I realized (a) the game didn't start until 5:30, and (b) there were two games. This time, we had McDonald's in the car on the way. Even later (and much to my utter sorrow), I realized (c) I just ruined our ONE night that didn't have obligations for the week. Arggh! Another late night for everyone (but at least we weren't starving at 8:30 when we got home this time!). My poor little girls...
Yep, looking ahead to the rest of the week, there is something EVERY NIGHT. I think that is what wears on me more than the actual physical tiredness. Some people thrive on activity, but I DO NOT. I need downtime. Thinking time. Putzing time. Nothing time. And, much as it drives me crazy when they're just sitting around here acting completely useless, when they don't get a chance to, I realize how much my kids need downtime, too. Besides looking at my laundry pile and my list of things to do, it's knowing we won't have any nothing time together as a family, and it makes me weary just thinking about it. Sigh.
We are so careful with our commitments, but with a large family, there just are weeks like this. I know this in my head, but it is still hard to deal with it in realtime. I think I'm going to make some phone calls and try to get out of tonight's obligations. Let my little girls (and this big girl!) go to bed early. Maybe I'll even nix Thursday's, when Dennis gets home. Friday is a choir concert so there's no getting out of that. I am marking a giant red "X" on Saturday to DO NOTHING.
We need to be HOME. TOGETHER. SOON.