My heart goes out to those women whose husbands deal with hormone imbalances, struggle with depression, have deeper issues that have ramifications in the marriage, or who struggle with addictions. I will be praying for you, and, knowing how much of a huge deal this is to your man (and the effect this has on you), I would encourage you NOT to wait, but to seek help. Now.
When I wrote the post, I was thinking, however, that in general, most of us are dealing with fairly normal husbands, in fairly normal marriages, who (in theory, anyway!) want to please their fairly normal wives. Rather than make an issue of sex, I would say the typical Christian husband is NOT forcing the issue. Instead, it becomes the Taboo Topic.
Then, by not dealing with it, spouses begin to isolate from one another, and it begins to fester. It did in our marriage. I was not meaning to be ugly; I was just TIRED (busy/preoccupied/etc). I was totally oblivious to it and just thought he was stressed or something. I had no idea the pain my lack of interest was causing my husband. Thankfully he pursued me and explained his perspective (which was totally foreign) to me. I do believe if he had not, it could have had disastrous results - if not now, then down the road.
It just helps me to realize (DUH) that my husband is wired differently from me. I think our generation of women has huge expectations for our husbands to study us and learn what makes us tick. We somehow think they "should" know that we want flowers, gifts, help with the kids and the dishes, and lots of affection. These are things that are NOT necessarily natural for a man to think about. We expect him to cultivate the ability to think about what pleases someone who is completely different from himself.
I was clueless, because I thought I was doing such a great job as a wife. I encouraged him, gave him affection and respect, spent time with him, and enjoyed his company. I even did his laundry and kept the house clean. These all came "naturally" to me (except the house part!), so I assumed they demonstrated my love to him. And they did. However, the the one way that speaks volumes of love and respect deeper than any other way did NOT come naturally to me. So I'd simply neglected to offer it to him freely or respond enthusiastically.
Yup, it is a two-way street. Like Dennis Rainey says, we each need to give 100% to the relationship - it is not 50-50. I think I expected 100% from him, but I only wanted to give 50% - the 50% that came easily to me.
It's not right, and I'm really working on it. The good news is, it has given me renewed excitement for looking for ways to please him - not just in the bedroom - but as a person. I am loving what it is doing for our relationship.
As I alluded to here, when we anticipate a need (or desire, depending on what you want to call it) and give freely, something beautiful happens. It does not make sense, but it's the Paradox Principle in action: Die to Live.
********And here's a timely article from Family Life on Romancing Your Husband