But I wanted to share a portion of an email from a precious blog friend. I thought maybe some of you could identify with her: married 9 years with two toddlers at home:
Thank you for sharing about "the dark years" - that particularly caught my attention. Maybe b/c we had our girls 18 months apart and I'm in the throws of toddlerhood...Anyone want to take a stab at this one?
I wanted to ask you something that is totally strange, since you don't know me at all...but I want to know your thoughts about it.
Would you say there are "seasons" in your marriage where things are better than at other times - that you feel totally connected and other times that you haven't? And what did you do? Keep going I presume and keep praying. We have a good marriage, he is wonderful to me, but I wonder why I'm not satisfied sometimes?
Things can seem to be going along just fine with us and then suddenly I feel all in a funk and feel like there's gotta be more to this, etc. I don't know, maybe I'm in the dark moments right now. We just celebrated our 9th anniversary and I am so thankful for a Godly husband and how he treats me...I have 2 gorgeous children...yet why do I sometimes feel unhappy and long for the "newness" of a relationship, feeling just "blah."
There are days that I think I could not be more in love with this man and then days where I wonder if I married the right person.
Is this normal?
My answer to my friend (and maybe to you) is this: YES.
Yes, this is normal; yes, I have experienced this; and yes, your marriage can make it through this time.
In 22 years of marriage, I can look back on certain decision-point moments where our commitment to each other - our vow before God - was pretty much the only thing that kept us together. We didn't realize just how close to the edge we were at the time, thank the Lord, maybe because we had made a commitment early on never to say the "D" word (divorce), so that wasn't even an option. But we clearly felt the tidal-wave pressures that have imploded other marriages all around us. Looking back on those times keeps us humble, keeps us working at it, and keeps us always saying, "There, but for the grace of God, go I."
One of those times was during our first year, when, as a newlywed, I looked over at this immature kid (never mind that I was an immature kid, too!) and it hit me: I am stuck with this guy forever. What was I thinking?
Another time was at ten years, just like my friend. We had two little ones. I was so overwhelmed with my role change - from independent, working woman to hesitant, insecure diaper changer and spit-up mopper, and I had little to give to the relationship.
And more recently, at around twenty years. No big fights, no extra-marital affairs, just the busy-ness of life. It could have easily allowed us to drift apart, existing together as co-workers, living under the same roof, for the sole purpose of raising children.
At each of those moments (and many others in between), Dennis and I have had watershed conversations (meaning, water was shed from our eyes!). We went back to basics: We LOVE each other, for crying out loud. We are committed Christ followers. We believe God's idea for two people to stick together for life is a good one. We have something worth fighting for here.
And yet...we still have to live together...day in and day out, month in and month out, year in and year out. I get moody. He loses his keys. The kids fight. We get focused on other things around us. How can we keep our marriage fresh?
Well, I'm out of time here. Tomorrow I'll talk about this some more.
I'm interested to see if you guys have some thoughts on this, too. If you'd like to post about this, let me know and I'll link you!