Mostly my emotions are just mixed. I'm happy that we are moving, but frustrated that five months of looking have not made our dream house surface.
This week we found the perfect house for us - the fixer-upper near a subdivision. This is the one we looked at as a short-term alternative to leasing and as a possible investment. Turns out, it's five bedrooms and 3800 square feet on 1.5 acres, for about 1/3 less than we were going to pay for the Crazy House (which stalled in negotiations with an arrogant agent).
The downside is, of course, that it is (a) not in the country, and (b) it is 1/2 mile from a highway, which I can see across a field from the front door. While I'm excited at the thought of transforming it (and hiding the view) with creative landscaping (which we would have the money to do, since we'd have a smaller mortgage), I am afraid there's not much we can do about the highway noise. Even if the plan is to live in the house for only 2 years and then resell it, would I lose my mind?
Some of it is letting go of dreams and embracing reality. My dream never included a stop to flip a house before settling on "the" house. Reality is, this could be more than just an investment. How well I know, it could very well BE "the" house for much longer than two years (how quickly the last six years have passed in our current house!). Am I willing to embrace that?
I just keep reminding myself that the main reason we wanted to move to a smaller town is so our kids could be in a smaller school system, and so that we could slow down the insane pace inherent in city life. I do not have to live in a dream home to accomplish that goal (but hey, can ya fault a girl for trying?!).
Somehow along the way I was hoping that we could slip in a few sideline wishes like country property with a view. Yes, that would be nice, wouldn't it? But I have to believe that His refusals are always His mercies. I must be willing to trust His ultimate plan for our family, even though I don't understand all the "why's" of this seemingly meandering part of the journey.
So God led the people around by way of the wilderness.