Let's just say that they were not "edifying."
Since she was in the car, sitting next to her friend for the next several hours, I thought (in my all-knowingness), rather than call her, I'd send her a text message about it (otherwise I know myself all too well - I'd forget to deal with it when she got home). As I tapped out the text, I felt myself getting mad ("Doesn't she know better??"), and the message getting longer and longer, with words like "disappointed" and "privilege" in there with threats and ultimatums.
I knew the words were a bit strong (they always seem stronger when (1)they are written, and (2)-they are a complete surprise).
So (in a divinely inspired moment, I believe) I asked Neal-13 to read the message. I asked him, "How would you feel if you were sitting next to your friend in a car, and you got this text message?"
He took the phone and read it. "Wow, Mom. I think you should wait and talk to her about it when she gets home. She won't want to reply to this."
He was right. She wouldn't want to reply to it. I could picture her receiving it and being first embarrassed. Then angry. Then defensive. Click.
I deleted the message. And yet, I still felt like I wanted to bring up the topic before I forgot about it.
So instead, I sent her a different message. "How's your trip going so far?" I decided to start out with a nice, general question.
A bit of chit chat followed, and then I texted her: "Hey, when you get a minute I'd like to talk about the songs you downloaded."
What followed was a very nice "conversation" (it is still weird to me to think about communicating this way, but it works!). I mentioned that I read the lyrics to the songs and felt they weren't appropriate. She seemed genuinely surprised, because she just wasn't listening to the words that carefully.
"I'm sorry, Mom. " she said. Several times. "I didn't notice that they had any bad words." In the case of one of the songs, it wasn't the words; it was the subject matter. She hadn't thought of that. (Yep, the answer to the question, "Doesn't she know better?" really IS sometimes, "No.")
The conversation isn't over, of course. Music is a huge, ongoing topic, and one exchange isn't going to instantly bestow a lifetime's worth of discernment on my kids. And don't even get the idea we've done a perfect job - I probably need to take a closer look at what's on her iPod. But we still have to keep at it. I SO want to find the balance - to challenge my kids to a higher standard - without being completely irrelevant and inflexible, which is so easy for me to be!
When she gets home, we'll talk more. Which is more than I could say if I had sent my first
Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.