Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Grieving with hope

Yesterday I went to visit my sister Rachel Anne. When she called me Monday with the news of losing their baby, the first thing I thought of was Steven Curtis Chapman's song "With Hope":
This is not at all how
We thought it was supposed to be
It is a beautiful, clear winter day. The sun pours in through the windows to her kitchen table, casting its warmth over our conversation. We look at each other and hug, talk about the weather, the kids, our husbands, and eat quesadillas and chocolate together (I offered to do highlights, but we ran out of time).

All the while, there's this aching under the surface (No, this is not at all how we thought it was supposed to be). There's the waiting for nature's course. We both know it's there, but there really aren't any words, and for now, at least, we are cried out.

Ruthie-5 is with me, and I am aware that her presence is a constant, visible reminder of another baby that Rachel Anne will never get to hold this side of heaven (And never have I known anything so hard to understand/And never have I questioned more the wisdom of God's plan.)

And yet she lets me come, accepting my feeble attempts to bring comfort. Gracious, even through pain, that's my sister. You can see why I love her so much.

I read through all the comments on her site yesterday and I'm so thankful for each of you. I believe that a huge part of grieving with hope is not having to grieve alone. When you show concern for her, you minister to me, too. Thank you.


Annie said...

Your sister is an amazing woman of God. She ministers to so many women each day in so many ways. I've been praying for her.

Lindsay said...

I will be praying for your sister. No loss is easy even with Jesus.. We had our pastor lose is 9 week old son just before Thanksgiving.. the grieving process is long.. but she has Jesus there holding and comforting her. I will pray for her and the family.

samantha said...

I just met your sister through Home Sanctuary last November, and already she has helped me in so many ways in making my home a "sanctuary." She is a very kind and caring person, and I thank God for her. I am so sad for her and the rest of the family. I don't think I could bear to go through what she is going through, especially twice. I have been praying for her.

Jena said...

I'm a regular reader of your site and your sister's. I'm holding Rachel Anne in my thoughts and prayers. I've been through this loss twice. Though painstricken at the time, Jesus took those experiences and turned it into compassion for others as well as hope and faith beyond today.

the funky mom said...

I will be praying for your sister.


Mommahen said...

Katherine, please know that I have already lifted Rachel Anne and Tom up before the Lord and will continue to do so. But also know that as a sister, I understand your grief too. I have a wonderful husband with whom to share my life so when I see my single mom of a sister struggling to get through the days and weeks alone, I feel unworthy--guilty almost. My heart aches for what my sister is without. I will pray that your burden will be lightened and that God will be your strength as you are your sister's strength.
I'm so glad she has you.
In His Love and Mine,

Maureen said...

My heart is heavy as I read your post. Please know that I will pray for her and her family during this difficult time. When the sun is shining and everything is peaceful it is easy to see God is in control. But when the storm comes and the wind blows it can be hard to believe that God is STILL in control. We must believe that He is.


mholgate said...

Katherine, I have a sister that I am very close with also. Isn't it amazing how comforting the love of a sister can be, even without words?

I have been praying for your sister. I gave a message at a bible study last fall entitled "A New Song." Part of the message was my own story about having miscarried, and how I "lost" my God song. It has been three years now and God has put a new song in my heart. I am praying that he will do the same for your sister. She, and you, are such and inspiration to me.


E. Tyler Rowan said...

Heartbreaking news. Praying for His peace.

Jen said...

She has been on mind. Not an easy thing. I'm still praying for her strength. I pray for you as well friend. So so sorry this has happened.

Les & Sweetie Berry said...

Sometimes hurting with a loved one is as hard as having tragedy happen to ourselves....praying for all of you, asking God to surround you with his infinite warmth, that He whisper His presence and love for you in every turn....praising him for the sun that will shine again and for holding us until we can find it.
In Jesus name...amen