Friday, August 14, 2009

Trusting

This has been a very weird week. Through a series of odd circumstances that only God could orchestrate, I started the week minding my own business, then looked up yesterday to find myself hired as the elementary school nurse here in Small Town!

Say what?

The mix of hope and dread is a bit disconcerting. Hope that I can make a difference in a child's life, kissing away boo-boos (while I have work hours that finally synch with my own kids'). Dread that I am in WAY over my head, and that I will most certainly lose control of every aspect of my life!

So, uh, what else is new?

Yep, letting go of control seems to be THE recurring theme of my life. The main thing I am having to let go of (with the events of the past year), is my own version of what it means to be a "good mom." Much of which I have subconsciously associated (depending on the stage of my life) with my status as a stay-at-home mom, homeschooling mom, crafty mom, mom whose children love vegetables, mom with ability to accessorize - you fill in your own blank.

I've been most of those at one time or another in my years of being a parent (I bet you can guess which ones I haven't been!), and none of them, in and of themselves, (a) magically improved my relationship with my kids, or (b) made my child's heart turn toward God.

Nope. I guess I am coming down to this (again): I have to believe God can do something incredible in my family, even when the circumstances are not what I deem perfect.

In fact, I would almost go so far as to say He loves to make sure circumstances are NOT perfect, so we will fall on our faces before Him BEGGING Him to salvage what we cannot possibly fix.

I thought this fall would look very different from how it is turning out. Our youngest child is starting kindergarten, and I was dreaming of having a bit more time to blog, garden, get organized, and pursue some other interests. I realize now those are luxuries that may have to wait - maybe until I am a grandmother!

So the question is, can I purpose in my heart to find joy here - now? Can I accept this, as the Psalmist says, as the "portion" He has assigned for me? Can I keep my attitude Christlike (I sometimes like to overlook the fact that He "made Himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant.")? Can I point my children to Christ, even when I am overwhelmed?

Yes, Lord. I am willing to trust that Your ways are not my ways - that You have a plan for what looks like a detour. That You are there, even when I can't organize, maneuver, or manipulate my way to perfection.

That You are good.
From the end of the earth will I cry unto thee, when my heart is overwhelmed: lead me to the rock that is higher than I.

Psalm 62:1
Old thoughts related to this (I told you this was a recurring theme!):
Perfect or best?
The end of the parenting honeymoon
Shelter is not a place
Once-and-for-all parenting

21 comments:

ET @ Titus2:3-5 said...

Wow, big changes. Congratulations on the job - what a blessing. I have a few "control issues" of my own, and I'm not sure I like how these posts are speaking to me...

:) *hug*

Rachel said...

Congratulations! I'm sure the girls will like having you there. And it seems like a small town so you'll get to know everyone much quicker!

twoandahalfcents said...

Congratulations! As a mom of four, my oldest diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes 10 years ago, I can not stress enough how important it is to have great school nurses. You will be awesome, I am sure. ;)

Andrea said...

THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU.
I will tell you that I will re-read this post over and over and over and over and over (you get the point?) again now I am in the midst of raising a teen, a newborn, and everyone in between.
Such truth.
(pop over to my blog to see a pic of my baby born july 27th...)

Anonymous said...

Wow! Trust!!! This has been a reoccuring theme throughout my summer. G-d's been preparing me for the serious nature of my husband's illness. An illness where man has done all he can for him and now, if my hubby is to improve in any small way, it will only be at the hand of HaShem. And here we are, a family of 6, a husband who struggles everyday with neuropathic pain and cannot work and yet, there is peace. We trust Him. His ways are higher than ours and He will never forsake us.

Megan@SortaCrunchy said...

I fully believe God has placed you in that school for a time such as this. I am confident in HIS ability to work out the details and I just know you'll soon be discovering more about how all things hold together in our Lord Jesus.

Blessings on you for following His direction!

mommasmurf said...

As always, thanks for your perspective! Letting go of "perfection" has been on on-going lesson for me. :)

Rachel Anne said...

Katherine, I know that the Lord will be faithful to your family as you go through this transition. First of all, you will be an excellent school nurse! What a position of service and ministry to your community! I do believe you will be there "for such a time as this."

Serving your family takes many forms...and there will be many opportunities for everyone to serve each other as you transition. You are always in my prayers, always in my heart....it will be exciting to see where this "bend in the road" leads.

Aimee said...

This is exactly what I needed to hear today...thanks Katherine!!!! I just need to print this post out and put it in my Bible to read every morning :)

Susanne said...

I am totally bawling here because you have totally pinned me with where I am at. The paragraph that started "So the question is...". Wow. It's like you were sitting at the table with me discussing it and were giving me sage advice.

Even though it is a huge transition for you I am so glad that you will have the same hours as your kids. What a huge blessing that is. You will be a great school nurse!

merlotmudpies said...

Katherine -- I just found your blog tonight via Mary at Owlhaven. I love your insights and am so glad to add you to my list of "must reads" and "must recommends".

Mommahen said...

Katherine, let me first off start by saying Noah has severe eczema, asthma, and allergies. He's had MANY staph infections because his skin is always open. He's had MRSA twice. His school nurse was a God-send when he started kindergarten. She watched over him and took such good care of him--even when I could not be there. I thanked God for her everytime Noah had a flare up. I believe you will be someone's God-send.

Next, we've been there, are there. My hubby drives an older car that always needs something replaced. This week it was the alternator. My heart hurts for him. I want him to drive a car that at least has an a/c when the heat is up to 105 outside. Yet, God reminds me--"in MY time". I watch Chris and it is reminder to me of contentment. You have amazing faith and I know God will give you your portion and I know it will always be "just enough" http://mommahen.blogspot.com/2009/05/just-enough.html

Hope you have a great year!
Love,
Elaine

JJ said...

Mmmm....praise God there is no one right formula! Great post!

One Big Fat Sugar Mama said...

hello long lost friend. I am so glad to see that you are still just as real as ever. Also praising God that He has blessed you with a job that fits in with your kids hours. On a side note, we adopted Eli yesterday! Woo hoo... My email address has also changed and it can be found on my blog site. Missing you...

Mary@notbefore7 said...

Still here...still reading...and I am still overwhelmed :)

Birth of #4, homeschooling the older two this year and boy did this encourage me.

You are going to have an overwhelming year as well. Praying we both turn our children's hearts to HIM and trust that He can work in this midst of the overwhelmed state of our heart.

You always encourage me Katherine!

emily said...

Been thinking about and praying for you Katherine!!! Hope the job is starting off well. I loved this post :-)
Love, Emily

Anonymous said...

Wow! Congratulations! And many prayers on the new adventure, I'm sure you're going to do great and your heart will break and fall in love w/ all those kids that are missing moms as great as you!
Angela
Garner, NC

Debbie said...

I can't even begin to tell you how relevant this post is to me today. My heart is overwhelmed today because I have a decision to make regarding one of our children, and it is weighing on me. I think I must realize that what is God's answer might not seem like the perfect solution.

I need to trust Him and let go of "perfection".

I'll be praying for you as you step out in faith to do this task He has placed before you.

rebecca said...

We must be twins in an alternate universe : ) The last of my 5 kids started kindergarten this year. I, too, was looking forward to having some breathing space, maybe finally getting house and yard in order, working very part-time to ease finances, etc......

I guess God has other plans for me. My husband lost his job 6 months ago, and God keeps providing, but it looks like I need to get back to work full-time. How will this impact our family? I don't know. All we can do is trust Him, I guess.

julie said...

Wow, you still get to have a school nurse? Here in CA. we have one who travels to a dozen different schools.

Congrats on the job!

Julie

Missy said...

Hi Katherine,
Just discovered your blog today and I wish I could meet you and chat. You say exactly what I think and so much more. I want to encourage you as you add this new "school nurse" adventure to your life. My prayer for you (I am praying it right now - no time like the present!) is for God to reveal Himself to YOU in a new way, one which is only possible through this new job. In Ex 15 God leads the Israelites to the waters of Marrah (sp?) and it is here that He reveals HImself as God The Healer. May you show your students that part of God (and more!) and may HE show you a new side of Himself too. Keep seeking him, especially in this busy busy new time. Love Missy p.s. a book you might love by Lisa Bevere: Out of Control and Loving It.